We are surrounded by the myth that as women, we must fit into a systematic construct of age and societal requirements in order to have a child. We are told we are too old, too young, too thin, too fat, too stressed, too single, or just too much to conceive.
Fertility treatments are designed to provide women with at times drastic and radical measures as their ‘too much syndrome’ prohibits their body from doing what it is meant to do.
We have passed the point of patience; of empowering and supporting women to have confidence that their body knows what to do when provided with the tools it requires. Science tells women that they need science. That they need interventions. That they cannot do it alone.
As a researcher I firmly believe that, science has its place and is breathtakingly supportive in helping people create their families. However; sometimes science borders on negligence with its interference and limiting parameters. I am routinely astounded at the acceptance of radical and often dangerous protocols given to women often without substantiating evidence or safety screening.
What has happened to women that has allowed this to occur? When did we lose our birthright and our innate trust of our feminine capacity to procreate? When did we accept that we were no longer the powerful creators of life?
When comparing female and male bodies, we can see that the capacity to create life has in turn created a dominance and rigidity to the perception of the feminine capability. The mere fact that another life can start as 2 cells (gametes) and grow and flourish in its mother’s body is both miraculous and divinely inspired. This ability needs to remind women (and their partners) that the possible is possible merely because the ability for human life to form, exceeds our understanding of what can be achieved. Ask any health professional – we don’t fully understand embryogenesis and how it actually happens. As such, we need to remember that there is something greater at play that needs to be respected.
In this context I ask that all women who are seeking to understand and explore their fertility consider the following:
- A woman’s sexuality (i.e. life force) is powerful and has the capacity to create and grow another life. Silencing it will supress, shield and hide fertility potential.
- The concept of a cut off point for fertility is consistently defied by many cultures and ethnicities. Modern perception of ‘it’s all downhill from 35’ needs to be abolished. Each woman needs to be reviewed individually and respectfully. There is no one size fits all. Age cannot be a blanket rule.
- The ‘normal’ menstrual cycle has been developed by researching cycles of 25-year-old females. There is limited (at times no) data looking at older women. We simply have not studied their cycles sufficiently and there is the belief that as women age that they ovulate multiples times per month. If you are older, do not assume you will fit reference ranges. Do not assume you will adhere to medical guidelines and that that indicates your fertility or lack thereof.
- An assessment cannot be absolute. Assays have been proven to be incorrect. Biomarkers and their reference ranges are only as robust as the scientists that created them. Ask questions. Test widely. Find the answers.
- Do not accept a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. Nothing is unexplained but merely unclear until revealed. All aspects of your health will and do affect your fertility. There is nothing separate. Your body is a synchronistic masterpiece. Fertility is not an isolated function or event.
- Using assistance is not a negative when required and should not be tabooed or judged. A family is not limited to the old-fashioned strategies and sometimes help is required. I always say to patients it is not the act of conception that makes someone a parent nor does the pregnancy make it a given. A parent is a parent because they choose it and surrender to its process. You don’t have to have birthed them, have them share your genetics or your partner’s sperm. Your child is your child.
- Treat your body as though it is already pregnant – eat and sleep well, exercise and nourish it spiritually. We have to make space for our children. We have to create a home worthy of housing them.
- The connection to the soul of the child – optimally prior to conception – helps put things in perspective. Each soul connects with its parent for a specific purpose. Sometimes their perceived delay is timed perfectly. Sometimes all we need to do is surrender to allow it to all unravel. Stop the charting, the timing, the stress of needing to not miss a window. Trust that it is very likely that your child will be more evolved than you and has a greater plan at play.
Please know that above and beyond everything my goal as a clinician, researcher, educator and woman is to support other women to conceive healthy babies. I am all for assistance when required and in a full support of whatever is needed for a family to be created. The purpose of these musings are to remind women of their innate fertility – even if that means that assistance is required. A woman is still fertile, abundant and rich even if she needs some extra support.
Challenge the myth. Connect to the innate. Know your feminine capacity.
Above all know that fertility is possible – however you meet it.